I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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