That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
