I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
