6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
