i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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