I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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