Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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