In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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