Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
