We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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