i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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