I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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