Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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