Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
