dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm always down for nudity.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
