it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
