You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
