I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
