I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
