there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
