dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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