i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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