after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
