Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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