Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
