hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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