he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Text me some of your sweat
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
