I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
