you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
