I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
