Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
