my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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