i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
