So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
