its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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