i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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