Say something about gay babies.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
