it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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