Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
