dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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