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My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
