Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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