Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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