I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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