I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
