Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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