In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
