you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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