the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
