I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
what day is it and did you see me today?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
