I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
