they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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