When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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