My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
