I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
