oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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