he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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