Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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