There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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