i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
