Christians are straight up FREAKS
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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