I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
