Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
