So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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